


Tamquam alter idem

by creativefiend19



Series: Alter Ego (Another Self) [3]
Category: Call Down The Hawk - Fandom, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater, The Dreamer Trilogy - Fandom
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Adam, Call Down the Hawk, Call Down the Hawk Spoilers, Canon Compliant, College Student Adam Parrish, Established Relationship, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Ronan Lynch, Porn with Feelings, Reunion Sex, the dreamer trilogy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 19:11:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21379120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creativefiend19/pseuds/creativefiend19
Summary: The missing sex scene at the Barns from Call Down The Hawk, AKA some gratuitous Pynch Porn with Feels.There are some CDTH spoilers!
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: Alter Ego (Another Self) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1541212
Comments: 16
Kudos: 252





	Tamquam alter idem

Ronan finished wrapping the bandage around Adam's forearm. The gashes from the talon knife were not very deep, but were numerous. They had bled for a while, as Adam had taken some time to return to his body completely, after his scary scrying.  
  
"So, that went well. Good thing you rode eight hours to get here, just to scry something that scared the shit out of you and then get your arm fucked up by me," said Ronan, his heart tearing itself into pieces and pouring bitter guilt into his voice.

Causing Adam physical pain, even if for his own safety, was the worst possible thing Ronan could ever imagine doing. He would literally rather die, which he had already proved when Adam had been possessed by the demon.

First the dorm room debacle and now this. In how many more ways could he keep hurting Adam, before it became not worth being with a Lynch dreamer anymore?  
  
Was that why his father had dreamt up his mother? To ensure that no living person with a will and future of their own was enmeshed into the drama and danger of this life? To take full responsibility by only hurting those that you yourself created, so the blame could be absolutely yours and yours alone.  
  
But Ronan could never have dreamt Adam.

Magician Adam. Genius Adam. Stubborn Adam.

Adam who did exactly what he wanted, _got _exactly what he wanted, even if it killed him. Like working three jobs while staying top of their class and getting into Aglionby and Harvard on scholarships. Surviving his father and hearing loss. Sacrificing part of his autonomity to a mythical forest. And becoming Ronan Lynch's lover; the love of his life. Adam would be very pissed off if he knew that Ronan was thinking of taking any responsibility for Adam's free will.  
  
"Ronan," Adam was still slightly shivering, his skin cold and clammy as he put an understanding hand on Ronan’s cheek. "Don't. We're in this together. I wanted to be here, no matter what. I wanted to be with you, no matter what."  
  
Adam's body hadn't warmed up completely yet, thought Ronan. Well, at least he could do something about that.  
  
Ronan took Adam's cold hands into his own and rubbed them and huffed on them to warm them up. Then he took two of Adam's fingers and slid them into his hot, wet mouth. Adam gasped and stared at Ronan's lips with helpless lust, his breath now stuttering not just because he was cold. Ronan worked his way through all of Adam's fingers, holding eye contact the whole time as he kissed, licked and sucked. They were both hard and panting by the end.  
  
He pushed Adam back on the bed - their bed. Ronan was struck by the rightness of Adam here, today, in the Barns, where he belonged. It was on this bed that they had had most of their firsts. Adam and he had used every square inch of the mattress in their quest to discover all the ways in which they could love each other. And they were going to do some more loving here today.  
  
Ronan pulled one of Adam's bony ankles towards him and stroked the strip of smooth, cold skin. He took off the sock, wrapped his hand around the bare, beautiful foot and squeezed gently. Then Ronan raised Adam's big toe to his mouth, swirled his tongue around the top and sucked on it, watching Adam the whole time.  
  
Adam moaned and arched, throwing his head back. Ronan gave Adam's feet enough attention to warm them up slightly. He then smoothed his hands up and down Adam's long, lean jean-clad legs and said: "You said you were starving."  
  
"Yeah," said Adam, very reluctantly, as his stomach growled loudly on cue, "I really do need to eat."  
  
They spent half an hour reheating frozen lasagne made with Barns produce and eating it in the burnished kitchen. They spoke about Gansey and Blue and Matthew and Opal, about anything _but_ Bryde and the scrying and Adam's dorm room or anything else that seemed to be objectively urgent or important.

Because they knew that, actually, nothing was more important than this. Sitting in the kitchen at home together, laughing and joking and kicking each other under the table as if they had all the time in the world, eating good food (because Ronan was a fantastic cook when he bothered to try) and glowing with the sweet anticipation of knowing that they were going to be naked together soon.  
  
Adam got up to take his plate to the sink when Ronan caught his hand and stopped him. They came together, kissing long and slow and intense, as they started to strip.

Adam had already removed his hot-as-fuck leather jacket earlier. Ronan had not been the one to do it even though he had badly wanted to, because he knew they would not have got anything else done after that.  
  
As they moved to the stairs and climbed, mouths and hands catching on lips and skin and stubble whenever possible, they left the detritus of unneeded and unwanted clothing in their wake. This was a dance they were familiar with in this house, a geography they could navigate with their eyes closed. Adam dragged Ronan, both finally naked, to the entrance of their bedroom and pushed him against the door frame and kissed him hard.  
  
Ronan's hands gripped Adam's hips and pulled him impossibly closer. They ground against each other, panting because it was such a goddamned relief, and ran their hands over each other's bodies while kissing frantically, until Adam pulled away.  
  
"C'mon," he said, "time's a-wastin'." as he led Ronan into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed. Adam climbed up and straddled Ronan as he sat with his back against the headboard.  
  
Ronan looked at Adam for a long moment, with a complicated look in his eyes, as he traced a finger from his temple to his mouth by way of a cheekbone.

"What do you want to do with your one and a half hours?" he whispered, suggestive and seductive, as he ran his thumb across Adam’s lower lip.  
  
"Well, _birthday boy_," Adam said, low and sultry, "I want you to fuck me."  
  
"Don't be stupid, Parrish. You’ll be sore," Ronan, said, frowning. "And don't say it just because of my fucking birthday. I'm doing jack shit here after you leave, so it should be me."  
  
"You promised to return the favour last time," Adam reminded him meaningfully, raising a pointed eyebrow.  
  
It took Ronan a moment to remember those perfect hours of loving at Thayer, before the shitshow that followed. That night, which seemed like a lifetime ago, he had told Adam to fuck him again, despite being tender from the first time. And had said he would make sure to do the same to Adam 'tomorrow'.

Except there had been no tomorrow.

Because the puss-filled-pieces-of-yellow-shit murder crabs had happened. Or rather, Ronan’s useless dreaming and nightwash had happened. And so, it was the last time Adam would fuck Ronan into his crappy dorm mattress and the last time Ronan would visit the Harvard campus, though they hadn't know it at the time.  
  
However, this was not the time to spiral into self-blame. Adam was on his lap, distractingly naked, asking Ronan to fuck him before he had to leave in a couple of hours.

Time was a-wasting.

Ronan tried once more, caring more about Adam being okay than his now desperate need to be inside him.  
  
"You'll be on a motorbike for eight hours".  
  
"I'll think of you the whole way. Plus it'll keep me awake," Adam grinned his rare pliant and mischievous smile. "Just don't come inside me. I don't reckon reaching campus with my jeans all damp would be much fun."  
  
Ronan flushed all over, suddenly hot and breathless, blown away by the insanely erotic image of an Adam on the motorcycle Ronan had dreamt for him, in the sexiest motherfucking leather jacket ever, leaking Ronan's cum out of his ass all the way to Harvard. Taking some part of me back with him, Ronan thought to himself, savagely. They should really find a way to make that happen someday.  
  
"Shit. _Fuck_," Ronan trembled as he pulled Adam more tightly onto his lap, pushing their cocks together, slotting his mouth and tongue against Adam's desperately. Trying to put everything he was feeling into the kiss: _'I can't believe you came to see me. I can't believe you love me. I can't believe I'm lucky enough to get to have your naked body against mine_.'  
  
Ronan ran his mouth along Adam's collarbone, loving the winged, delicate shape. Adam sucked on his soft earlobe. They explored whatever skin they could reach, not wanting to pull apart even for a minute, needing to be as tightly close as possible. Ronan blindly groped for the lube on the bedside table, squeezed some onto his fingers and warmed it up. He then slid down the cleft of Adam's ass and circled around his entrance.  
  
As he slowly breached Adam with a finger, he found that it slid in more easily than he expected.  
  
"Did you already work on yourself?" he asked, surprised. Adam must have wanted this even before he had gotten here, then. It made Ronan feel a little better about being the one to top.  
  
"I had to do _something_ while recording my Sociology notes," Adam smiled wickedly. "I knew we wouldn't have much time, and I couldn't stop thinking about being with you. I wanted you in me so bad, Ronan." This last bit was moaned out, as Ronan slid in a second lubed finger.  
  
Ronan couldn't believe this was his usually in-control and cautious boyfriend. Impulsively deciding to visit him today, putting in the effort to read out notes into his phone, and all the while slowly opening himself up in his Harvard dorm room. Practical and efficient and so, so ridiculously hot.  
  
"That must have been some recording," Ronan raised an eyebrow, trying for sardonic but failing and grinning instead.

"Yeah," said Adam, with an honest-to-God giggle. "It sounds like I was getting a boner about it. Which I was, but just not about Sociology. I was smiling on the bike the whole way down, listening to it."  
  
"You're fucking crazy, you know that?" Ronan said fondly, as he added another finger. Adam was now slowly rocking on his lap, fucking himself back onto Ronan's hand. Their cocks rubbed against each other with each thrust, trapped between hard abs.  
  
"Oh my God, Ronan," Adam shivered, voice full of longing, as Ronan stroked his prostate.  
  
"Adam, Adam," Ronan mouthed against the curve where Adam's neck met his shoulder, leaving wet, warm kisses on his scattered freckles. "_Tamquam_..."  
  
Adam was now moving up and down on Ronan's fingers, as he looked into Ronan's eyes, stroked the back of his buzzed head and replied, softly, in their shared, private language "_...alter idem_." A second self, as trusted and cherished and close as it was possible for another person to be. Adam and Ronan. Two halves of a whole.  
  
"C'mon," Adam pleaded, unable to help moving faster, his accent spilling out completely and stretching his vowels. "Please Ronan...or I'm not gonna last."  
  
They knew that Ronan always took too much time opening Adam up, because Ronan was big and he didn't want to hurt Adam at all, if possible. But they both wanted it too badly now. Ronan slid his fingers out of Adam slowly, making sure to drag against his prostate, as he pulled Adam even tighter towards him and they kissed with desperate longing.  
  
If Ronan were more like his Irish father, blessed with a silver tongue from the Blarney stone, he might have considered putting his overflowing feelings into words, or lyrics even: "_An ode to a nude and beloved Adam Parrish sitting on my lap_".

Unfortunately, any and all of Ronan's doubtful talent for poetry went into his dreaming. And his swearing.  
  
Ronan broke away from Adam to grab the small bottle, but it was Adam who put a soothingly cool layer of lube over Ronan's feverishly hot and painfully hard length, as Ronan hissed. Adam stroked the leftover lube onto his own cock. They gasped into each other's mouths, shaking with the anticipation of finally, finally being joined with each other again after so many weeks of enforced separation.  
  
Adam reached around himself and lined Ronan up. They looked into each other's eyes as Adam slowly, slowly sank down onto Ronan's naked length.

Ronan could feel every single sensation of Adam surrounding him in excruciatingly small increments. They both groaned loudly and needily, as Ronan was finally seated in Adam as deep as he could go.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Adam," Ronan gritted out, as he had to work on not coming just from Adam's insanely tight heat.  
  
They sat for a few moments, foreheads resting against each other, as Adam breathed himself into adjusting to Ronan. Ronan felt his heart bursting with relief and the complete fucking rightness of being inside Adam.

Ronan usually felt his emotions too much, too wildly, too uncontrollably, wanting to break, punch, race or set fire to something to express the dark tide of his seething impulses. But in these quiet, sacred seconds before their usually frantic and sweaty couplings, he always found a rare moment of peace and completeness - something close to being connected to a benevolent God or Universe that might actually give a shit about him, because it had given him Adam.  
  
Then Adam began to move up and down, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, riding Ronan with the focus and attention he gave all the important things in his life. Soon they were slamming into each other, as Ronan fucked into Adam ferociously, holding onto his hips with a vice grip. He knew he was going to leave bruises there, to match the ones on Adam's legs from dumping the bike. Some mark of Ronan that Adam could carry back with him.

Adam's thighs were trembling and their kisses were just gasps into each other's mouths.  
  
Ronan angled Adam so he was hitting the sweet spot inside him with every thrust. "You're so fucking good, Adam. You're so fucking perfect. Look at you taking me so well," Ronan kept up a nonsense stream of praise and swears, almost out of his mind with lust. Adam was gasping out Ronan's name like a prayer, and then with more desperation, and Ronan knew he was close.

Ronan moved his hand to Adam's cock already slick with leftover lube and dragged his thumb over the wet, velvety slit, as Adam threw his head back and moaned loudly. Then he started firmly jacking Adam off, first slowly and then increasingly fast, stroking the dick that was so much like the man, beautiful and elegant and sexy.

Ronan had spent the months before they had gotten together fantasizing about what Adam's cock would look like, feel like, taste like. Wondering if he would ever know its weight on his tongue, its length in his hand and its heat inside him. A thrill of delight always zinged through him when he found Adam hard for him, wanting him and needing this, just as much as Ronan did.  
  
Adam was rolling his hips in sinuous motions now, alternating between fucking himself on Ronan's thick cock and fucking into Ronan's tight grip, and then suddenly he was shaking apart with his climax, shouting out and digging his fingernails into Ronan's shoulders so hard that it was painful. Ronan set his jaw and breathed through his nose to control himself, as he felt Adam spasming tightly around him and Adam's warm cum spilling onto their joined skin.  
  
As Adam pressed his forehead against Ronan's damp neck, spent and panting, Ronan wrapped his arms around him, slowly lowered him onto his back and carefully pulled out of him. Adam lay on the bed, muzzily staring up at him with a blissed-out smile on his face, as Ronan straddled his thighs, touched his cheek gently and said, "I love you." Ronan never lied, but he had never meant anything more truly in his life than these three words right now.  
  
"Mmmm," said Adam stroking his arm fondly, unable to speak yet. Ronan put his hand on his own cock and glanced down at Adam, laid out below him, satiated and stunning. And Ronan started to stroke himself hard and fast, so completely turned on by simply _looking_ at Adam even though he had just been inside him, fucking him.  
  
They gazed into each other's eyes the whole time Ronan's hand moved furiously, as he gasped loudly with each hitching breath.

Then Adam reached out with his fucking magical fingers and rolled Ronan's balls in his hand and squeezed gently.

Ronan simply said "_Adam..._" in broken desperation, as he came all over Adam's body, hot, white stripes contrasting beautifully with tanned skin.

Ronan loved coming _on_ Adam almost as much as he loved coming _in_ Adam. It fulfilled some primitive urge he knew he felt, about marking his mate, having Adam smell of him, making Adam his. _Mine. Only mine_. He wasn't proud of it, but he recognised that it existed, like his other dark impulses.

Ronan had come far on the journey towards accepting himself for the entirety of who he was, though he still had a long way to go.

The smell of cum and lube and sweat wafted into the heated air between them.  
  
Ronan collapsed onto his back next to Adam, chest heaving, and then moved to face him. Adam's head was turned towards him, while his fingers were sensuously smearing Ronan's cum around on his stomach, mixing it with Adam's own. Adam lifted two fingers to his own mouth and licked them clean, watching Ronan the whole time. Then he took some more of their combined cum and moved his hand to Ronan's lips. Ronan took hold of his elegant wrist, and sucked gently on Adam's fingers, his tongue wrapping around the beautiful knuckles and tasting the bitter muskiness of their mixed essence.

"You'll be the fucking death of me, Parrish," Ronan murmured against his fingers and Adam smiled lazily, very pleased with himself.

Ronan leaned in to kiss Adam and savour the taste in his mouth, already longing for him again, needing to be touching him endlessly. He had just had an intense and mind-blowing orgasm, but he knew that between Adam's sexy fingers and his lips and the bare, warm expanse of his freckled skin, Ronan was going to be hard again very soon.  
  
Ronan sent up a grateful prayer for the refractory period of 18-year-olds (he wasn't 19 yet, after all). Or maybe it was just his own excessive horniness when confronted with a naked Adam.

Whatever the reason, these precious few hours with Adam were already shaping up to be the best fucking birthday present ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I love hearing from readers! 
> 
> A word, a line, Anon, non-English - any type of comment or [Tumblr](https://creativefiend19.tumblr.com/) Ask is welcome. So is kudos!


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